Motherhood

By Sarah Fisk

When I was a teenager I thought the stereotype of stay-at-home mothers was true, that they lounged on their couches watching soap operas and eating bonbons from a full candy box.  Now I know…they do not.  For starters, any box of candy a mother has must be shared with sugar-loving, candy-grabbing toddlers to twenty-somethings.  However, when we mothers are asked, “What did you do all day?” the answer sounds mundane and trivial.   For over thirty years I have lived the life of a stay-at-home mother and have developed a partial explanation of what mothers do all day.  This essay can serve any mother who finds it hard to recount her days and nights. 

We mothers are the caregivers of the family (which means we have no time to get sick ourselves). We wipe runny noses and clean scraped knees, cradle fevered children and kiss away their pain. We tend to mothers-in-law with fractured hips, husbands with sprained ankles, teenagers with broken hearts, and pets with weak bladders.  We also find time to help others by volunteering at schools, hospitals, food pantries and/or churches. 

We are the police of the family.  We check for unbrushed teeth and unwashed hands. We question undone chores or unopened schoolbooks.  We make sure piano is practiced and fairness is played.  More importantly, we look for drugs and smell for cigarettes.  We don’t allow littering, waste, or cruelty to self or others.  We set curfews and enforce the consequences of coming home late.  We sleep with one eye open.

We are the moral counselors of the family. We teach by our actions as well as our words.   We recycle cans, bottles, and paper to save the environment and campaign for better schools and cleaner playgrounds to better the community.  We insist on Sunday school attendance and politeness towards others by regularly attending church and showing respect to all we meet.  We expect good manners and responsible behavior as we strive to live by the Golden Rule.

            We mothers are the taxi drivers and cheerleaders of the neighborhood.   We haul little leaguers to games and ballerinas to dance class.  We sit through soccer games to yell encouragement, swim meets to watch for a smile, speech contests to listen to debates and band concerts to support the fourth chair alto saxophone player with a love of jazz.

Stay-At-Home Motherhood

By Sarah Fisk

When I was a teenager I was sure that stay-at-home mothers lounged on plush couches watching soap operas and eating bonbons from a full candy box.  Now I know…they do not.  For starters, any box of candy a mother has must be shared with sugar-loving, candy-grabbing toddlers to twenty-somethings.  (And I’m not even going to start in about what those toddlers to twenty-somethings do to a couch.)  However, when we mothers are asked, “How did you spend your day?” our answers sound mundane and trite.  For over thirty years I have lived the life of a stay-at-home mother and have developed this partial listing of what mothers do all day, every day.  This account can serve any mother who finds it hard to recount her days and nights. 

We mothers are the caregivers of the family (which means we have little time to care for ourselves). We wipe runny noses and clean scraped knees, cradle fevered toddlers and kiss away their pain. We tend to mothers-in-law with fractured hips, husbands with sprained ankles, teenagers with broken hearts, and pets with weak bladders.  We also find time to help others by volunteering at schools, hospitals, food pantries and churches. 

We are the police of the family.  We check for unbrushed teeth and unwashed hands. We question undone chores or unopened schoolbooks.  We make sure piano is practiced and fairness is played.  More importantly, we look for drugs and smell for cigarettes.  We don’t allow waste or cruelty to self or others.  We set curfews and enforce the consequences of coming home late.  We sleep with both ears open and only one eye shut.

We are the moral counselors of our family. We expect equality, integrity, and truth. We insist on Sunday school attendance and respect shown to others as we also attend church regularly and strive to live by the Golden Rule.    We know that the best lessons are learned through example so we try to lead and not stumble. 

            We mothers are the taxi drivers and cheerleaders of the neighborhood.  We haul little leaguers to soccer fields and ballerinas to dance class.  We sit through swim meets to yell encouragement, tennis matches to watch for a smile, debate contests to listen to rebuttals and band concerts to support the fourth chair alto saxophone player with a love of jazz.

            We mothers are the psychics of the family.  We determine the difference between a painful stomachache and an excuse to miss an Algebra test.  We decide if a swollen wrist is broken or merely sprained.  We find out if a loss of hearing is a real concern or simply indifference to requests and if an abrupt refusal is exerting independence or sassing back.

We mothers are the leaders of the community.  We direct the troops towards cookie sales and merit badges, call parents to ask for classroom volunteers, organize mothers and daughters to feed the hungry, and schedule students to sell donuts for prom tickets (hoping sales are good so we don’t have to buy five dozen donuts and ruin our diets).  We recycle cans, bottles, and paper to save the environment and campaign for better schools and cleaner playgrounds to better the community.  We are the Homeroom mothers, soccer coaches, street-crossing guards, auxiliary secretaries, and PTO presidents.

We mothers are the gardeners, the weed-pullers, tomato growers, rose pruners, grass cutters. We are the problem solvers, knowing 10 ways to disguise medicine, 20 ways to serve leftovers, 1000 ways to put a toddler to bed.  We are the Special Event supporters, transporters, helpers and (the most-dreaded job of all) fund-raisers. 

We are the teachers of the family as we flash cards, listen to memorized poems, correct punctuation, and repeat spelling words.  We explain the birds and the bees and what love has to do with it.  We teach good manners and reinforce good behavior.  We sit on the passenger side as our too-confident teenager, armed with a learner’s permit, “takes the wheel” and forever after our prayers plead for that child’s safety in a car. 

            We mothers mop the kitchen floor three times a day while a two-year-old learns to feed herself.  We stand with a child who is learning to use the bathroom and then comfort him when mistakes happen. We drink “instant breakfast,” premixed of course, not as a diet regime, but as a quick meal.  We shop all day for a special lime green poster board for a display about food molds with the experiment taking over our refrigerator.  We do the laundry, dishes, cooking, ironing, dusting, straightening, fixing, toilet swishing, every-little-thing-buying. And hopefully, we are not too busy to feed our own spirits with hobbies like scrap booking, sewing, needle pointing, reading, writing or painting and our bodies with running, walking or yoga.

Mothers rarely know a peaceful moment.  When finally relaxing in a bubble bath, a child shows up outside the door to beg for a ride to baseball practice and he has most of the team standing behind him.  When sitting down to read a novel, a toddler climbs into our lap with Bears in Summer/Bears in Winter to be read for the hundredth time.  When sleeping soundly a child cries out at 2 a.m., lonely for “mommy’s face.”  And then, there is too much quiet when that same child, as a teenager, doesn’t want to see “mom’s face” ever again.  We never eat without at least one child under the table, into the cabinets, or up on our lap.  We work hard to keep a budget; keep our waistlines; keep our sanity.

And to top it all off, we try to keep our husbands fed, honored and happy too.

Admittedly not all mothers do all things nor does any mother do everything perfectly.  We mothers expect to do our job better than our best and always fall short (and we live with the guilt of that fact). Do I think that it was a waste of time to stay at home?  No, I loved my job.   Although it is not a job with much recognition in the “money-making” world, I willingly gave up my candy, sleep, leisure, and privacy to raise my two children.  And, because of my two children, I am a much better person.