Dear Mom and Dad,
Thursday
My first two weeks in college have been
great. Most of my classes start in the
afternoon so I can sleep all morning. And,
don’t worry, even though twelve class yours is a heavy load, I think I can handle it.
Exciting news!
I now have a credit card. Remember,
Dad, when you told me that I had to get a job before I could carry a credit card? Well, the credit card company doesn’t think
so. I dialed 1-800-TRY ME and answered some
easy questions. When I explained that you were
paying my school bills, they awarded me the credit card with a $2500 limit because THEY
think I am responsible.
One of the best reasons for using this
credit card is the three percent cash back on stuff I’d buy anyway, if I carry a
balance from statement to statement. That
means I actually make money if I don’t pay off my bill!
It’s a “can’t pass up” offer. Maybe Dad, you and Mom should stop paying off your
credit card bill every month. I’ll send
you an application for this credit card so you can apply for one too. Aren’t you glad that my Money Management class
is already helping me understand finances?
To prove to you that I can handle the
responsibility of a credit card, I plan to use my new card for emergency purchases only. Last Friday night I paid for three pepperoni pizzas
because we were all starving. My roommates
promised to pay me back. This Saturday night I
have a date and so I plan to take her a dozen red roses.
You always want me to do that kind of thing, Mom, and now I can afford it. Christmas is coming and I’m ready to shop. What do you want?
Love,
Your son
P.S. I think the tattoo parlor takes credit
cards—ha, ha—just kidding.
Dear Son,
Your father is not laughing. He read
the credit card application you sent and hasn’t taken a quiet breath since. He’s
sitting in his recliner, mumbling something about “a credit limit for an
18-year-old” and “your son.” He
keeps shaking his head and closing his eyes—you know how he gets. Son, remember when we told you to read every word
of any contract before signing? Unfortunately,
this credit card application is full of deceptive wording.
In print so small we needed your grandmother’s magnifying glass, the
application stated that the credit card variable rate is eighteen percent. In other words, if you pay $30 for three pizzas,
you are charged an additional $5.25 in interest after one year and receive only $.90 in
rebate payment. (I am ignoring the fact that emergencies do not include pepperoni pizzas,
rose bouquets, or Christmas presents).
Your father expects you to cut up your
credit card immediately; find a morning job to pay off your credit card bill; attend all
of your Money Management classes; and if you plan to live through Christmas, ignore the
tattoo parlor signs.
Love,
Mom
P.S. How was your date Saturday night?